Goatlord's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[A Sons Revenge!!!]

The "cheese factor" is through the roof.

I don't think I can even begin to commenton where you went wrong. If this is the best you can do, perhaps Flash isn't your thing. Your poor puncuation forgiveable, but you really should hae put more thought and effort into the storyline. I mean, there ISN'T one. It sort of just jumps all over the place, as if you made it up as you went along. It also really made no sense that there was suddenly spoken dialogue in the middle of the film, while the rest was captioned. There is also little, if no consitency with the artwork, which was just terrible. You simply slid crude, childish drawings back and forth and occasionally rotated them. You really too much on symbolism, which is waht many people who have no artistic talent do, and it shows plainly here. The choice of music was also very poor as it felt extremely out of place. You're really going to have to work on your skills as an artist, as a writer, as well as your Flash skills.

[a lovely day]

While the morbid humor is the initial appeal...

It ends far too abruptly. These kind of chain reaction type scenarios are best played out when a number of things happen, not just two or three. Overall it was a good effort, the humor managed to be dark and violent without resorting to the "corn factor" of mindless cursing and poop and pee jokes. I think the overall visuals were perhaps a bit too minimal, but you did a great job on making it look "old timey"--the kind of pulsating/glowy effect was really well implemented.

[Virtual Fighting]

Pointless.

I understand that not every Flash entry has to have a compelling plot and dynamic characters--some are intended to be artsy fartsy and that is what captures the viewer. But I can't figure out what the appeal is supposed to be in Virtual Fighting. It's like watching someone play a generic Capcom or SNK fighter, except the characters are basic outlines and there's no background. It felt lacking and incomplete, with rather uninteresting animation, terrible choice of music and nothing particularly interesting going on. Nice visuals and that's it.

Maverick22 responds:

somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bench...

[Mario Twins (official)]

This still cracks me up.

The minimal but smooth animation, the perfect synchronization with the audio, the absurd yet somehow clever humor...it's all just fuckin' great. I love how this guy interpreted what is easily one of the most entertaining Group X songs around. This is a classic and minimal input, maximum dilerverance method works well. The visuals are crude yet childish, which is pleasing to the eye, and the transitions are abstract and flow perfectly with the "music". All in all, a great effort that's become an NG classic.

[Trick Gum]

Nice effort but fails to bring laughs.

The visuals were actually pretty good, and the voice acting was decent. But the joke really wasn't that funny. The way the sequences played out, it was just...boring. Seeing as how this was Newgrounds, the idea that handing novelty gum would result in violence was expected. All in all it's tolerable, but the humor is very lacking and it wasn't much of an idea to begin with.

seanjames responds:

I appreciate your sincerity and well thougth out review. I've gotten a lot of shallow awesome reviews and a lot of pointlessly malicious reviews. Be it a good or a bad review, I prefer those that give well thought out reasons and those that are not either brown-nosish or abusive. I will take your points into consideration and thanks again for being honest. Your review was actually helpful, and appreciated :)

[Qi]

Artsy fartsy!

A very abstract piece that reminds me of something an art student might have done in the mid 80's. It's primitive, abstract, if not completely random geometry, viewed from various angles and combined with 2-D images for a lush and soothing visual experience. It's movies like this that ride on their visuals, rather than requiring a plot of interesting characters. I must say the music was also fantastic (and fit the movie perfectly), I liked that you used oriental music rather than the typical techno one might associate with computer generated graphics. Overall, it feels amatuerish but that's no problem. It's a thrilling ride through Narcissus's imagination.

[intergalactic Headbangers]

Yeah...that was fucking terrible.

No effort, bad visuals, no tweening, terrible animation, wasn't even headbanging music, made no sense, dialogue went by too quickly, absolutely chaotic execution, boring, horrible idea for a Flash movie. Should I list more reason why this sucked?

[G.I. Joe - The Other Half]

Overly patriotic, corny nostalgia is great.

I love this. You took classic audio clips from the 80's G. I. Joe cartoons, created some hilarious, intentionally corny voicovers and completely twisted it half way through to add an "adult" edge to it. It was a bit shorter than I expected but it was still fun to watch. Great, if not simple visuals (and perhaps a bit too smoothly animated!), hilarious dialogue and an unexpected, abrupt ending that added to the humor.

[The Void II]

A disappointing waste of time.

I don't care if this movie is popular--that's not going to stop from giving an honest review. And honestly, it feels like the absurdly melodramatic music and extremely vivid animation are what attracts people to this piece. I couldn't possibly care less about the actual plot (assuming there is one), the empty, static characters with their cold, robotic voices. And what the hell is this movie trying to convey? Emotion? Humor? Entertainment? Whatever the case, it fails to convey anything, really. I see no point in watching something that is visually stimulating but fails to deliver in any way. It's a shame, as this was very well drawn and detailed.

[The Void I]

As always, a terrible attempt at "entertainment".

I don't know what people like about these Clock Crew movies. Is it the inane, pointless dialogue? The go-nowhere plots? The retarded character designs? The awful, not funny "humor"? The empty, robotic voices? There is absolutely no redeeming value in this movie or any of Clock Crew's other movies. I'll never understand what the appeal is. It's just too stupid to be funny.