Goatlord's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Boltgun's PS 1]

I have yet to view a good Clock movie.

I saw one ONCE, an it wasn't even made by a member of the Clock Crew (hence it being a decent submission). This is just sad and remarkably bad. Okay, so a gun chanting the word "13" tricks a fucking animate pile of jello with a clock visage into falling down a hole, then begins chanting the word "14". Real clever there. Nonsense can be funny, but not when execured in a manner quite as pointless and retarded as this.

Boltgun responds:

Hello, Mr.-I'm-so-beatiful-that-I-can-bitch-everyone-about-nothing !
After seeing your incredible reviews, that came from your so fantastic intellect, I was thinking about you having a big trouble... It's your epic superiority complex making you so proud of yourself that you can't do anything else than writing loooong reviews about what you didn't liked in the movie who DARED appear on your heavenly eyes.
No really, you doesn't love anything, sux 2 B you.

[Mario Brothers - Part I]

Although unnecessarily serious...

It was somehow compelling. It seemed corny at first, yet as it progressed I found the dramatic music and dialogue to be rather interesting considering the rather mellow nature of Mario games. The fight scene between Bowser and the goombas was humurous, particularly when they flying turtles lifted Bowser off the ground (after a rather fiersome fight scene) and took off. It's hard to actually find this movie humurous on the whole though, because the "serious factor" clashes with the attempts at humor. The only thing I'd recommend you work on is the sprites and textures. I suggest bitmap tracing all of them into sqare based vectors (the "pixel" option) if you haven't already. This would allow scaling to look smoother. You should also do the same on the sprites so you can remove the annoying "slighter white transparent box" that encapsules them. Other than those minor visual flaws, a brave if not melodramatic attempt.

[Sonic's Flash Music Video]

I can excuse you being new at Flash...

But not for the manner in which this was presented. First off, the dialogue was beyond terrible. None of the characters had anything interesting to say; it's like you just typed in whatever "sounded funny at the time". It's completely inane and childish, and not even remotely funny. The dialogue is so crude it was often painful to read, which made me glad most of it went by absurdly fast. The actual animation was also complete crap, as chracters just slid around and did random bullshit that was made you beg for the movie to end as soon as possible. Random shooting, humping and exploding is what most of this "video" consisted of, making it one of the lamest attempts to inserting sprites into a Flash movie yet. The music was also terrible and didn't fit in the slightest. This is just sloppy beyond comprehension.

ZoDy999 responds:

I'm glad you've said my animation was crappy and stuff since now I can improve on my work, but why u dissing my work with all ur grammar woman!?Thanks for doing what the end of my flash said too...in a way u didn't make me feel bad but giving me a 0 for all my 2 day work cheap ass flash, you've actually made me feel quite happy...oh well,I'm just gonna strech this letter too take space on your screen!Mwah-ha-ha....ha...huh....































































































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dumb!

[PAC-ATTACK]

Absolute crap, and this isn't even his first!

I understand that not everyone knows how to draw or tween that way, but shit was this sloppy. The movement was very choppy, sporatic and inconsistent. It was also unbelievably predicatable, because you know from the start that at some point, Pac-Man is going to aquire a poorly cut-out machine gun use it to kill the ghosts. This portion of the animtion was executed very badly as well, though the entire concept was unoriginal to begin with. Mindless violence can be entertaining, but not when it's presented in a generic and extremely amateurish way such as this. This Flash has absolutely no redeeming factors.

[Mario vs Link(Another)]

Did you even read the Flash tutorials?

First of all, everything in this damn movie is pixel based, even the dialogue and the projectiles, which are easy as cake to create as vectors. You didn't bother to try to draw the characters yourself, instead relying on blurry jpg's from the internet. You could have at least seperated their limbs to heads to create animation that DIDN'T just look like two pixilated images sliding around a background devoid of color, which is exactly what you did. You probably didn't even use layers, which would explain why the red bar serving as the ground constantly wobbles during the fight scenes. Visuals aren't everything but they really killed this movie, along with the horrible, horrible, "I frequent AOL chat rooms" dialogue. And let's not forget to mention that the idea of Link fighting Mario is completely unoriginal and this lame concept of video game character vs. other video game character has been done to death and so far few people if anyone have managed to make it interesting. It's nothing more than an exchange of words, awful, awful kicking, punching and projectile throwing, with shitty music playing in the background. You obviously have no concept of how to use Flash or how to create a coherent or even half decent piece.

[fun stuff 064]

It's as if the internet took a shit on my screen.

My head is bleeding internally trying to figure out why this movie wasn't blammed. There is nothing, and I repeat NOTHING remotely entertaining, amusing, funny, intriguing or appealing about watching random scribbles and images flash by while crappy music plays in the background. It's lame, assinine bullshit and anyone who voted above a zero on this obviously has no sense of taste or quality. It's the authors behind this madness that reassure me that the Clock Crew is primarily composed of some of the most immature and uncreative people ever to grace the internet. Hooray for retarded fucking internet communities.

[3D Star Wars]

Stolen!

It's pretty clear you consider this kid is 13 years old, the flash movie is not featurd on his site and a completely different URL is plastered on the movie than this kid's site. There is also no description for the movie, which is very suspicious. This should have been blammed.

[MERCY!!!: Episode 1]

Just didn't capture my interest.

It actually reminded me of a typical anime a lot. Really basic character design, choppy animation, awkward, very monotonous voice acting, odd dialogue, and really tedious fight scenes. I have to admit, the direction and execution was quite well done, and you seem to have a solid if not somewhat vague story. The use of Flash graphics with CG backgrounds was put to good use, but other than that nothing particularly impressed me. This just wasn't anything special.

[-The Pan-]

Nice animation...that's about it.

The concept was interesting...it reminded me of the auto-scrolling levels in games like Super Mario. The visuals were minimal, with very basic bacgrounds and stick figures. The animation was excellent, but...it just seemed lacking. It reminded me of every other stick movie I've seen with popular rock music and people getting killed. Granted, the concept, as I previously stated, was original enough to keep the piece from boiling down to generic kicking and punching, but it's still rather cliched.