Goatlord's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Sumo Man + French Fry ep0]

Not bad...too much motion blur though.

To be honest the whole thing was really disorienting. It sort of starts out with all these characters suddenly being thrown into a battle, with no explanation behind it and constantly shifting camera angles that become confusing rather quickly. And like I mentioned in the one line summary, the motion blur effect was exploited perhaps too much in this piece. It was also a bit of a sleeper, as it was mostly devoid of sound and the music was repetitive and didn't fit well. HOWEVER...I do see potential. The visuals are decent (though maybe you should consult that perspective movie on NG so you can draw the buildings with more depth), it was put together surprisingly well and the characters are fairly original. Work on this and I'm sure you'll have something great on your hands.

adam-p89 responds:

Thanks, I'll work on what you've said.

[Amburgers and Wootbeer!]

Hahaha, what the fuck was this?

As stupid as it was I didn't think it deserved to be blammed. Even though I couldn't understand 3/4 of what that damn squeaky bear was saying, it was so awful it was actually hilarious. The poor animation and use of real pictures was a nice touch. Not bad for an old movie, I think if you work on this a bit it can really go places.

Jonneh responds:

ahh, well you probably couldn't hear what the bear was saying because I cut the quality down to the lowest to make it quick loading. You can get a higher quality version on my site if you want to try and hear what he's saying, that is if you wanted :P

[Help!]

Odd...but somewhat entertaining.

The hand drawn animation had a fluid flip-book like feel to it. As a whole it wasn't bad, despite having little to no color. Yea, it was pointless, kinda weird and left you thinking, "Huh?" But it was kinda cute.

Mooey responds:

Nice one, thanks.

[The Stick: Trailer]

You're stupid.

If the movie is already out, why the fuck did you make a trailor? This serves no purpose.

TheStick responds:

Let me explain. This was a trailor made before the movie. The reason I put it out after the movie was made, was so people would actually see the movie. I haven't got 1 view for weeks.

Please veiw the movie, it has taken a very long time.

[House of teh Machein]

The only good Cloc k movie I've ever seen.

It didn't have those stupid robot voices, some inane serious-but-actually-"hysterical" plot, cheesy dialogue or other pointless dribble. Just some oddball characters doing oddball things in a mansion full of the dead. For a first it's VERY well done. Your Flash skills impress. Great visuals, cute story, and some nice action to boast.

Rogan-YLS responds:

Hmmm... I don't plan to use any robot voices. As for the other two, it all depends how you look at it.

[The Baby]

Intensely retarded and childish.

This felt so half assed and the humor was so grade-school. The baby's head flies off, it's used as a soccer ball and the father goes to jail. That doesn't make laugh so much as roll my eyes. There's nothing entertaining about it, and it's far too crude to even get a chuckle out of me. Lame, lame, lame. Awful use of tweening too. And the fact that you couldn't find the talent necessary to make ANY audio for this makes it even more pathetic. It should have been blammed.

Phoenix-Nights responds:

I've had sex with your mother.

[(2003)Ghost Footage]

Haha, that actually wasn't bad.

At first it was lame, but when he fell over and started crying, that was fucking hilarious. I love how the video footage would suddenly become smooth when he fell ass over tea kettle on the floor. I think it would be hilarious if you did a series of "shocking footage" movies in this same style, but make the intro a bit shorter!

Knox responds:

i have been thinking ofthat..but i cant think of what else to do...we'll see........we'll see.....yup.....we wil......see.....as in....looking...........we'll look..........
ill think...
we'll see...

[16-Bit VS 8-Bit]

Interesting concept, poor implementation.

First off, reading line after line of badly written dialogue gets really old after awhile. Second, it was really just way too long. Nothing about this Flash was particularly interesting--I often found myself looking around or becoming distracted. And despite being an avid fan of old school games, I just didn't find this intersting. I will admit that a few parts were clever, but it was greatly dwarfed by the rest of the movie, which felt rather pointless to watch. The visuals were also rather subpar--the sceenshots from the various video games would have looked a lot cleaner as gifs rather than jpegs. Some of the animation transitions also looked rather poor, and the vector shapes did not blend well in the pixilated video game backgrounds at all. Overall, it was a brave effort, but failed to entertain.

DuckyofAlarcon responds:

Well everyone has an opinion its just a shame that yours does not matter. Im glad you have the solution to why my flash was uninteresting! You try to sound all smart by using words that arent common like "dwarfed" - wow good ones there.And "subpar"- if in a conversation someone said subpar I would kick their ass, then piss on them.
Overall I give your review a 0 out of 10. It lost my interest and i found myself being distracted. It just failed to entertain. It was a good idea. Bashing my video cause your still working on your GED. But you just didnt follow through. Your badly written text just became a blur halway through. Overall a shitty effort. Dont every come back to newgrounds. I banish you from this land. A good note you should learn from this is to not every again write a review until you decide not to sound like you are actually intelligent unless you can finish high school like a person who is worthy to use words like subpar and dwarfed.

PS. You liked Wizard Power? ass

[Handy Work]

Amusing, even though the ending was a bit lacking.

I didn't know what to expect though, since I haven't yet watched any other "Perfect Kirby" movies. It was pretty funny though, especially the way most of the male character's dialogue was nonsensical noises. His mannerisms were pretty humorous too, especially his "kung fu" move at the end. I was also impressed by the extremely smooth animation and nicely rendered characters. Overall, good for a few laughs.

PS: Is that the Perfect Dark chick who smashes his face in at the end?

Pikanjo responds:

Yeah, Joanna Dark.